Christians are straight up FREAKS
I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
