The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
