That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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