it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
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