I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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