i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
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