just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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