lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Randomize
