Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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