Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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