You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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