He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Randomize
