hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
