the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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