So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
