i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Randomize
