im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I had to cum in my sink.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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