from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
