your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
