So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
