i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
