I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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