spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
farters have to be the big spoon...
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Randomize
