Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
