So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
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