he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Cover your peen. We're going out.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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