Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
one two three fourrrrnication!
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
