i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
