How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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