Well douche your snatch and let's go!
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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