I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
