His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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