i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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