you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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