I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
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