apparently the secret to your success is patron
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Randomize
