I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
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