I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
