Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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