How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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