I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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