That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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