I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
