I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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