Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
