this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Randomize
