Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
did i just pee glitter
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
