Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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