i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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