when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Randomize
