That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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