You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
