dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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