i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
