Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
