So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
