Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
