If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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