if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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