Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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