Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
We need to rekindle our bromance
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
