im gay
i know
yea but for you.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
