her vagina looked like bernie madoff
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
