so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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