Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
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