Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
