I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
