Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
The air taste purple.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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