y did u give ur computer a hand job?
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
