Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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