i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
