is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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