i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
